Sometimes just feeling like you own the world does wonders for your ego. It can keep you smiling through the day even when the day seems like a complete disaster otherwise.
I can't help but smile these days. I see everything collapse around me like a pack of cards at times, yet i can't seem to stop smiling.
I haven't gone crazy. Far from it. It's just that I have realised that there is so much more to life than work or situations that break us. I feel imperfections exist in our mind and not in the world that we see. The world around us is as it was years back. We have evolved. We have started expecting more. So why blame the world? Why not change the way we think?
I never thought I would ever think so laterally. I think situations of late have forced me into thinking like that. It's a good thing. I think I am at peace with myself. With the world around me. With the people I interact with. I look at things differently because I want to be happy. I feel like we bring in misery with our expectations. If we get away from them, we can truly find happiness in every single thing we do. Don't look at the negatives. When you find yourself irritated, smile. Sometimes, just smiling can calm you. You have the rest of the day to figure out what you can do to rectify the situation.
Happiness isn't just for the lucky few. It's for everyone who wish to embrace it.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
blades of Peace
A few days back, I decided to go away to a quiet secluded area that I will henceforth refer to as Paradise. It was really to escape a day I am beginning to slowly dread - my birthday.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
belief
Every morning, I start the day by reading the day's prediction for my sun sign. I am not in the least bit superstitious but somehow, I end up getting affected and nodding my head solemnly at that paragraph lamenting on how unlucky/fortunate I am based on what is written. I don’t think there has been a single day when those predictions have come true yet, I don’t seem to want to break that habit or skip that page.
You might agree with me and might even be doing the exact same thing.
We are victims of belief. We want to be comfortable with some assurance about what lies ahead. We just want to be prepared for the unforeseen, however unpleasant it may be. My belief about certain things, people, circumstances and even events make me the person I am. It might be based on past experiences or irrational thoughts which have no base, but I can’t seem to shake off that belief that I need to be in control of situations. For which, I need to have an inkling about what I should expect. Sometimes, I just let go. It seems like I am walking in the dark then. It can be nerve wrecking if you aren’t the calm sorts.
There are a lot of people I know who love living like that. I envy them. Really.
Imagine having no nagging doubts about life, no fears whatsoever determining your actions. No situations etched in your memory that stop you from trying out something new. You believe in nothing and no one can falter you. You are simply not perturbed by anything that lands your way, however unpleasant or challenging it is. I coach myself into looking at the future with renewed enthusiasm. To embrace change when it’s needed. To not be affected by factors beyond my control. To live each day as it comes without jumping to conclusions about things which might never even happen.
I am going to try it. Give up on being a control freak and try and be more generous with myself. Forget my annoyances and complaints about what’s going wrong. Concentrate on what’s going right and what path I should follow to make the wrongs go right. My life might not get better but heck, at least I will land up believing in myself and not a paragraph in the paper.
You might agree with me and might even be doing the exact same thing.
We are victims of belief. We want to be comfortable with some assurance about what lies ahead. We just want to be prepared for the unforeseen, however unpleasant it may be. My belief about certain things, people, circumstances and even events make me the person I am. It might be based on past experiences or irrational thoughts which have no base, but I can’t seem to shake off that belief that I need to be in control of situations. For which, I need to have an inkling about what I should expect. Sometimes, I just let go. It seems like I am walking in the dark then. It can be nerve wrecking if you aren’t the calm sorts.
There are a lot of people I know who love living like that. I envy them. Really.
Imagine having no nagging doubts about life, no fears whatsoever determining your actions. No situations etched in your memory that stop you from trying out something new. You believe in nothing and no one can falter you. You are simply not perturbed by anything that lands your way, however unpleasant or challenging it is. I coach myself into looking at the future with renewed enthusiasm. To embrace change when it’s needed. To not be affected by factors beyond my control. To live each day as it comes without jumping to conclusions about things which might never even happen.
I am going to try it. Give up on being a control freak and try and be more generous with myself. Forget my annoyances and complaints about what’s going wrong. Concentrate on what’s going right and what path I should follow to make the wrongs go right. My life might not get better but heck, at least I will land up believing in myself and not a paragraph in the paper.
Monday, September 10, 2007
disconnection that works
Disconnecting gives me immense joy. You must be thinking I am a rude, arrogant, high-handed woman to say such a thing openly. After all, which cold hearted person does such a thing and admits to liking it.
I'll be honest. I can't think of a better way to stop negativity from destroying my system.
For those who are lost, I am not talking about disconnecting calls. I am talking about disconnecting from situations that are too hard to handle. It's not the coward's way out. I think disconnecting actually helps you evaluate and calm down. Some time out can actually help you plan your next course of action.
When I was younger , I found it difficult to cut myself from unpleasant situations. As a result, I found myself agitated, irritated and at times, even depressed. Over the years, I realised that cutting out is perhaps the best way to ensure you move ahead. It stops you from self doubt, agony and sometimes, even helps you arrive upon a sensible solution to your problems.
It seems like a difficult thing to do but it's quite easy. Just take a deep breath, exhale all those thoughts out of your system and simply don't let them enter your mind again. Just block them out. Stay away from the situation that disturbs you. Disconnect till you have had time to evaluate it and figure out a solution. It takes effort and it takes time. However, it is the best thing that you can do to be happy. Try it out when you feel like you are drowning. It's a life saver.
I'll be honest. I can't think of a better way to stop negativity from destroying my system.
For those who are lost, I am not talking about disconnecting calls. I am talking about disconnecting from situations that are too hard to handle. It's not the coward's way out. I think disconnecting actually helps you evaluate and calm down. Some time out can actually help you plan your next course of action.
When I was younger , I found it difficult to cut myself from unpleasant situations. As a result, I found myself agitated, irritated and at times, even depressed. Over the years, I realised that cutting out is perhaps the best way to ensure you move ahead. It stops you from self doubt, agony and sometimes, even helps you arrive upon a sensible solution to your problems.
It seems like a difficult thing to do but it's quite easy. Just take a deep breath, exhale all those thoughts out of your system and simply don't let them enter your mind again. Just block them out. Stay away from the situation that disturbs you. Disconnect till you have had time to evaluate it and figure out a solution. It takes effort and it takes time. However, it is the best thing that you can do to be happy. Try it out when you feel like you are drowning. It's a life saver.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
the greed for more
We grow up wanting more.
More love, affection, food, comfort, clothes, money, beauty...the list is endless.
As a child, I was often told, "Don't ask for more. Be happy with what you have."
I never listened.
I don't think we are happy with what we have. We feel that we deserve more.
I fail to see why that is a bad thing. Why should wanting more be bad? It is good to be ambitious. It is good to want to be the best. It is good to demand more out of life. It isn't good however, to be miserable in the process.
Often, in our pursuit of happiness, we forget to be happy. We are driven by greed and the need to make life better and in the chase we forget the very reason we are doing the said activity.
Strange but true. Very few people know when to draw the line. I can assure you that more often than not, i fail to see that line too.
I want to see that line. I want to stop before misery takes over my life. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to be in control of my emotions.
I want so many things... there, i am not happy with what I have yet again!
More love, affection, food, comfort, clothes, money, beauty...the list is endless.
As a child, I was often told, "Don't ask for more. Be happy with what you have."
I never listened.
I don't think we are happy with what we have. We feel that we deserve more.
I fail to see why that is a bad thing. Why should wanting more be bad? It is good to be ambitious. It is good to want to be the best. It is good to demand more out of life. It isn't good however, to be miserable in the process.
Often, in our pursuit of happiness, we forget to be happy. We are driven by greed and the need to make life better and in the chase we forget the very reason we are doing the said activity.
Strange but true. Very few people know when to draw the line. I can assure you that more often than not, i fail to see that line too.
I want to see that line. I want to stop before misery takes over my life. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to be in control of my emotions.
I want so many things... there, i am not happy with what I have yet again!
Monday, August 27, 2007
being lonely in a social world
I think we take our society for granted at times. We foolishly assume someone will be there for us at all times.
In India, privacy is unheard of. There is always someone there at all times. It can seem like an invasion to the current generation. After all, we all crave for space. To be left alone with our thoughts and our dreams.
I feel that distance from the ones you love is sometimes good. It helps you grow as a person. To face your worst fears.
One fear most have is being lonely when left alone. Don't confuse the two terms. Being alone is very different from being lonely. You can be lonely even when you have people with you. You simply feel disconnected from everything. You just feel like you can't vibe with people.
I have often wondered if I can feel alone and lonely at the same time. After all, I am an outgoing person and for me, there is always someone who will be there, even if it means a phonecall outside the country.
My curiousity did get the better of me and i went on a self imposed exile a while back to see if I could survive without everyone i knew.
The lure of parties, coffee meetings, brunch talks and shopping trips was firmly dismissed and i went away to do some serious thinking about life and where I would find true happiness.
I have never really read enough books about finding happiness because personally for me, happiness just like loneliness, is a state of the mind. Opposite sides of a coin.
Maybe being alone in some warped way would make me happy.
It did make me happy. It also gave me the confidence to face my worst fears. There were times when i was with a group of people and i felt lonely. Almost like i was cut out from them and living my own life separately while we dined and made merry. So in a way i felt like i was alone because i wasn't participating in the fun. Instead, I craved for my space and sometimes doing nothing in an apartment that was non descript, gave me a sense of peace and comfort.
Most people i know don't want to be left alone. Some of my friends have told me that they don't know what to do or that they are afraid. I have always wondered if your very own thoughts are what you should be afraid of. After all, when you are alone, your thoughts are all that you have.
Does that mean that most of us are not very comfortable with what we think. Do our thoughts hold the key to our happiness then?
Something to ponder over, don't you think?
For me, what matters is escaping into a world that isn't dictated by norms. I realise now it's not about physical privacy so much as it is about mentally letting go and letting your thoughts liberate you.
Think about it. I may be wrong. Then again, i might be speaking some sense...
In India, privacy is unheard of. There is always someone there at all times. It can seem like an invasion to the current generation. After all, we all crave for space. To be left alone with our thoughts and our dreams.
I feel that distance from the ones you love is sometimes good. It helps you grow as a person. To face your worst fears.
One fear most have is being lonely when left alone. Don't confuse the two terms. Being alone is very different from being lonely. You can be lonely even when you have people with you. You simply feel disconnected from everything. You just feel like you can't vibe with people.
I have often wondered if I can feel alone and lonely at the same time. After all, I am an outgoing person and for me, there is always someone who will be there, even if it means a phonecall outside the country.
My curiousity did get the better of me and i went on a self imposed exile a while back to see if I could survive without everyone i knew.
The lure of parties, coffee meetings, brunch talks and shopping trips was firmly dismissed and i went away to do some serious thinking about life and where I would find true happiness.
I have never really read enough books about finding happiness because personally for me, happiness just like loneliness, is a state of the mind. Opposite sides of a coin.
Maybe being alone in some warped way would make me happy.
It did make me happy. It also gave me the confidence to face my worst fears. There were times when i was with a group of people and i felt lonely. Almost like i was cut out from them and living my own life separately while we dined and made merry. So in a way i felt like i was alone because i wasn't participating in the fun. Instead, I craved for my space and sometimes doing nothing in an apartment that was non descript, gave me a sense of peace and comfort.
Most people i know don't want to be left alone. Some of my friends have told me that they don't know what to do or that they are afraid. I have always wondered if your very own thoughts are what you should be afraid of. After all, when you are alone, your thoughts are all that you have.
Does that mean that most of us are not very comfortable with what we think. Do our thoughts hold the key to our happiness then?
Something to ponder over, don't you think?
For me, what matters is escaping into a world that isn't dictated by norms. I realise now it's not about physical privacy so much as it is about mentally letting go and letting your thoughts liberate you.
Think about it. I may be wrong. Then again, i might be speaking some sense...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
the complete man saga
How easy it is to wear your heart on your sleeve? How easy it is to dream of a fairy tale wedding? How easy it is to want the ideal man by your side as you experience labour pains, period cramps, moodswings, promotions...
Why is it so easy to forget that not all men are perfect or complete or for that matter, worth the trouble?
I am not being a cynic. Far from it. For me, men don't belong to Mars. They belong to Earth. Women, however, need to stay in Venus. Pluto would be good too.
Why? Simply because we never use our brains. Ever.
Somewhere, deep down, logic isn't what dictates us, it's emotions. Expectations that things will be good. Instincts that say that the perfect man is right there, next to us. Dreams that guide us into becoming love sick fools.
Think about it. You meet a guy, you fall in love. He seems perfect, he treats you like a lady deserves to be treated, so you dream marriage.
And then, starts the real race. The guy breaks into a 200 m dash that takes him far away from the altar.
For men, it's about sex, plain and casual with no strings attached. A commitment is a noose. Marriage is not even in their dictionary. There are exceptions to the rule of course.
The kinds who will lay down conditions before they say, "I do". But I am not talking about those kinds. I am talking about those parasites who will get on to you and promise you the moon. They will wine you, dine you so that you land up dreaming of a fairytale life.
Your love will remember your b'day, the first time you met, your mom's b'day, your dog's vet appointment and will even coax you into having your first vodka shot. So you tell your best friend that you have found your soulmate. You start showering him with love, affection and let go of your inhibitions. You bend backwards to see him happy hoping that the gold band is in his shirt pocket. Instead what begins are the taunts, the acidic comments about things that never mattered. You look up wondering what's wrong and he looks at the girl on the next table.
I don't think men do it intentionally. I think they are just lost and scared and don't want to admit it. They want to have fun without feeling trapped. Misguided souls. They don't realise that they land up spending more on women when they are dating than when they get hitched.
I have so many male friends who have been honest enough to admit that they wanted a woman because of the way she looks. I have often been tempted to ask them who would do the dishes, clean up after them, do the laundry, dust the apartment, cook and take care of them when they think they are dying (read a simple Cold is often a disease for men!). A French Manicure costs money, so why would those gorgeous women even get their nails wet with detergent or god forbid, chipped? It is the love sick healthy woman who will get down to scrub, clean, wash and iron for her man. Of course, she eats 4 meals a day. She needs to keep her energy levels high remember? Her hair isn't in place 24 hours a day but at least her heart is in place, which is what matters. It's a pity that most women spend a lifetime cleaning after men who don't deserve them. I am not against men. I love men. I would want to be with someone who will appreciate me for a lifetime. However, I don't live in a fool's paradise because i know there is no perfect man. For that matter, no perfect woman either. Perhaps that's why a marriage is so good at times for both. One is a giver and the other is a taker. If only the men knew that.
Why is it so easy to forget that not all men are perfect or complete or for that matter, worth the trouble?
I am not being a cynic. Far from it. For me, men don't belong to Mars. They belong to Earth. Women, however, need to stay in Venus. Pluto would be good too.
Why? Simply because we never use our brains. Ever.
Somewhere, deep down, logic isn't what dictates us, it's emotions. Expectations that things will be good. Instincts that say that the perfect man is right there, next to us. Dreams that guide us into becoming love sick fools.
Think about it. You meet a guy, you fall in love. He seems perfect, he treats you like a lady deserves to be treated, so you dream marriage.
And then, starts the real race. The guy breaks into a 200 m dash that takes him far away from the altar.
For men, it's about sex, plain and casual with no strings attached. A commitment is a noose. Marriage is not even in their dictionary. There are exceptions to the rule of course.
The kinds who will lay down conditions before they say, "I do". But I am not talking about those kinds. I am talking about those parasites who will get on to you and promise you the moon. They will wine you, dine you so that you land up dreaming of a fairytale life.
Your love will remember your b'day, the first time you met, your mom's b'day, your dog's vet appointment and will even coax you into having your first vodka shot. So you tell your best friend that you have found your soulmate. You start showering him with love, affection and let go of your inhibitions. You bend backwards to see him happy hoping that the gold band is in his shirt pocket. Instead what begins are the taunts, the acidic comments about things that never mattered. You look up wondering what's wrong and he looks at the girl on the next table.
I don't think men do it intentionally. I think they are just lost and scared and don't want to admit it. They want to have fun without feeling trapped. Misguided souls. They don't realise that they land up spending more on women when they are dating than when they get hitched.
I have so many male friends who have been honest enough to admit that they wanted a woman because of the way she looks. I have often been tempted to ask them who would do the dishes, clean up after them, do the laundry, dust the apartment, cook and take care of them when they think they are dying (read a simple Cold is often a disease for men!). A French Manicure costs money, so why would those gorgeous women even get their nails wet with detergent or god forbid, chipped? It is the love sick healthy woman who will get down to scrub, clean, wash and iron for her man. Of course, she eats 4 meals a day. She needs to keep her energy levels high remember? Her hair isn't in place 24 hours a day but at least her heart is in place, which is what matters. It's a pity that most women spend a lifetime cleaning after men who don't deserve them. I am not against men. I love men. I would want to be with someone who will appreciate me for a lifetime. However, I don't live in a fool's paradise because i know there is no perfect man. For that matter, no perfect woman either. Perhaps that's why a marriage is so good at times for both. One is a giver and the other is a taker. If only the men knew that.
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