I am not a big fan of thunder. As a child, I would hide under my bed covers and pray hard.
Even now, I try hard not to be intimidated as the bolt of light whips the air around till it trembles and moans.
As I write this, I can hear the air around whimpering . I see it weep steadily and the ground, like a dependable tissue paper, is absorbing all the embarrassment and pain almost effortlessly.
I know this show of emotion shall end soon. And then, it will be bright and cheerful again.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
manic sunday
I grew up listening to The Bangles crooning about Manic Mondays. I have a song of my own playing in my mind though and it´s called, "Manic Sunday".
I feel Sunday is the most chaotic day in my week. That´s the day when I am horribly behind schedule. Breakfast and lunch is always in quick succession. Bath seems like an unlikely possibility as uninvited friends show up wanting to brunch with you. As you dig into the refrigerator wishing for a miracle called leftovers, frozen food or anything distinctly edible, people walk around dripping beer ( they call it condensation off the can) on the carpet you managed to brush the day before. As you smile patiently and wait for the hurricane to pass, the phone rings and it´s your mother wanting to catch up with you. It´s not her fault really. It is a Sunday after all. Most normal people spend it in bed/hammock. I am running around ensuring that people have enough to eat at the table and that there is ice in the freezer.
I love entertaining, mind you. However, I appreciate notice. A week preferably. It gives me time to be a diva then. Answer the door looking like I got back after a rejuvenating massage at the Four Seasons. As I offer my cheek for the customary peck, I am confident that it´s the reassuring smell of Gucci and not perspiration greeting the kisser.
A woman has to be presentable at all times is what I was told by an aunt. She was also the one insisting that I go to Finishing School. She would give polite disapproving looks every time I tucked my feet under me on a particularly slow afternoon. Or when I dug into my spaghetti with relish after a particularly depressing day at work. She never lived with us but somehow was always hovering around making observations.
Not that it ever worked on me. Even today, if caught unawares, you will find me in my faithful pyjamas and t- shirt that have seen several birthdays without giving up on me .
I love the life I lead on the rest of the days. Just don´t expect the best out of me on Sundays. It´s a losing battle that day.
I feel Sunday is the most chaotic day in my week. That´s the day when I am horribly behind schedule. Breakfast and lunch is always in quick succession. Bath seems like an unlikely possibility as uninvited friends show up wanting to brunch with you. As you dig into the refrigerator wishing for a miracle called leftovers, frozen food or anything distinctly edible, people walk around dripping beer ( they call it condensation off the can) on the carpet you managed to brush the day before. As you smile patiently and wait for the hurricane to pass, the phone rings and it´s your mother wanting to catch up with you. It´s not her fault really. It is a Sunday after all. Most normal people spend it in bed/hammock. I am running around ensuring that people have enough to eat at the table and that there is ice in the freezer.
I love entertaining, mind you. However, I appreciate notice. A week preferably. It gives me time to be a diva then. Answer the door looking like I got back after a rejuvenating massage at the Four Seasons. As I offer my cheek for the customary peck, I am confident that it´s the reassuring smell of Gucci and not perspiration greeting the kisser.
A woman has to be presentable at all times is what I was told by an aunt. She was also the one insisting that I go to Finishing School. She would give polite disapproving looks every time I tucked my feet under me on a particularly slow afternoon. Or when I dug into my spaghetti with relish after a particularly depressing day at work. She never lived with us but somehow was always hovering around making observations.
Not that it ever worked on me. Even today, if caught unawares, you will find me in my faithful pyjamas and t- shirt that have seen several birthdays without giving up on me .
I love the life I lead on the rest of the days. Just don´t expect the best out of me on Sundays. It´s a losing battle that day.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
routine
It´s just one of those days when you want to do nothing. Even moving around your bed seems like such an effort then. You squint at the clock and see that it´s close to noon. Sighing like you are about 200 years old, you groan and moan. The sun is shining brightly, so you head to shower. As the water hits your body you feel sleepy again. It´s like a massage really. You just don´t feel like raising your hands or even finding that soap. A few minutes of water therapy later, you walk out and sit on the bed gulping a glass of soya milk. There are dishes in the sink, the floor needs sweeping, the garbage needs to be taken out, the letters need to be posted. ´"Later, later, later" seem to be the only words that register.
The phone rings suddenly and you get up with a start. Your mind goes blank for a minute and you realize it was all a dream. Reality is far worse. You need to get out of bed, spend not more than 3 minutes in the shower, complete those chores, catch the 9 am local to reach that meeting across the city in time.
Sometimes dreams are good. They let you relax. Life unfortunately, is a high-speed, bumpy ride with no brakes. The only time you stop is when you have had enough. And that´s when your dreams start to take over your life.
So the next time, you want to have that leisurely shower in real time...just do it! The next time you want to binge on chocolates, indulge. Cause when you don´t, you know you will dream about it and wake up cheated.
The phone rings suddenly and you get up with a start. Your mind goes blank for a minute and you realize it was all a dream. Reality is far worse. You need to get out of bed, spend not more than 3 minutes in the shower, complete those chores, catch the 9 am local to reach that meeting across the city in time.
Sometimes dreams are good. They let you relax. Life unfortunately, is a high-speed, bumpy ride with no brakes. The only time you stop is when you have had enough. And that´s when your dreams start to take over your life.
So the next time, you want to have that leisurely shower in real time...just do it! The next time you want to binge on chocolates, indulge. Cause when you don´t, you know you will dream about it and wake up cheated.
Monday, May 5, 2008
sans jacket
I hate feeling cold. Your mind turns to slush and the only real activity that happens then is chattering. Your teeth completely give up on you and start a life of their own - grumble, bitch and laugh in that annoying way that makes you look ridiculous in front of strangers. So, I try to be wise and carry suitable clothes when I step out in winter. Mind you, the winter we are talking about in this case is a freezing -5 degrees. Enough to turn you into your favorite ice lolly.
Of course, sometimes it is warmer and it is then that one needs to make choices. A pullover, a jacket, a woolen cap, mittens...all of them, one, two, three of them, none of them...it´s really puzzling for a woman sometimes. After all, we are looking at a wardrobe malfunction here if the colors don´match. Most men would say, Oh just throw it all on and step out". So you listen or you simply wear what you please ( and I can bet that´s almost always the wrong choice) and step out smiling and pretend that it isn´t cold when all you really want to do is enter a sauna and gulp down some brandy to get your blood circulating again.
I haven´t quite figured out the colour coding for clothing yet. For example, I really don´t understand whether the fawn jacket I own goes with the emerald silk shirt my mom gifted me. Most of the clothing I own is simple, non descript and enough to make the divas shudder with disgust. Then again, if my fingers still feel like they are alive at the end of the day with all that I own, I must be doing something right.
Of course, sometimes it is warmer and it is then that one needs to make choices. A pullover, a jacket, a woolen cap, mittens...all of them, one, two, three of them, none of them...it´s really puzzling for a woman sometimes. After all, we are looking at a wardrobe malfunction here if the colors don´match. Most men would say, Oh just throw it all on and step out". So you listen or you simply wear what you please ( and I can bet that´s almost always the wrong choice) and step out smiling and pretend that it isn´t cold when all you really want to do is enter a sauna and gulp down some brandy to get your blood circulating again.
I haven´t quite figured out the colour coding for clothing yet. For example, I really don´t understand whether the fawn jacket I own goes with the emerald silk shirt my mom gifted me. Most of the clothing I own is simple, non descript and enough to make the divas shudder with disgust. Then again, if my fingers still feel like they are alive at the end of the day with all that I own, I must be doing something right.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
wake-up call
6 am, 6:10 am, 6:11 am, 6:11.5 am? There are times when I wish I could set the time on my alarm clock to microseconds and mini microseconds ( do they exist?). Really, I hate to wake up. I can´t understand how everyone does it. I can´t. It´s stress even before I sleep. The thought of waking up just won´t let me sleep then. Thoughts about the alarm failing, about me being late, about me missing the bus/train/plane plague me. And when I am woken up, there´s always an incomplete song playing in my mind or sometimes, I am lying sunbathing in Mauritius when I am jolted by that alarm. Then I open one eye which seems to have sealed and requires a great deal of effort to flutter. As the light stuns me for a few seconds, I mutter a few rude statements. Maybe I am not being a sport, but I really don´t like getting out of bed. It´s warm, soft, comforting and heck, I can just lie back and escape to my world of fantasies. Try doing that in the afternoon and it´s not the same. It´s like watching an ad film then. It´s over before you can enjoy it.
This one is different. You wear your favorite soft pyjamas, sneak into your warm blankie and pat your pillow a couple of times so that your head is nestled just right. Then you shut your eyes, not forcefully but you just let go of your eyelids so that they fall naturally and rest. The day´s fatigue, stress and irritation smoothen out minute by minute. You get to be the hero, the villain, the dog, the postman or just about anyone you want to be. No judgments there. No taunted arrows hurting your ego. You have the power to ignore the world and create your very own zone. Now when you have all that, why would you want to possibly wake up?
I am not going to set the alarm tomorrow. It´s a decision I might wake up to regret. But then again, I will wake up with a smile when I do.
This one is different. You wear your favorite soft pyjamas, sneak into your warm blankie and pat your pillow a couple of times so that your head is nestled just right. Then you shut your eyes, not forcefully but you just let go of your eyelids so that they fall naturally and rest. The day´s fatigue, stress and irritation smoothen out minute by minute. You get to be the hero, the villain, the dog, the postman or just about anyone you want to be. No judgments there. No taunted arrows hurting your ego. You have the power to ignore the world and create your very own zone. Now when you have all that, why would you want to possibly wake up?
I am not going to set the alarm tomorrow. It´s a decision I might wake up to regret. But then again, I will wake up with a smile when I do.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
happy happy, joy joy
Sometimes just feeling like you own the world does wonders for your ego. It can keep you smiling through the day even when the day seems like a complete disaster otherwise.
I can't help but smile these days. I see everything collapse around me like a pack of cards at times, yet i can't seem to stop smiling.
I haven't gone crazy. Far from it. It's just that I have realised that there is so much more to life than work or situations that break us. I feel imperfections exist in our mind and not in the world that we see. The world around us is as it was years back. We have evolved. We have started expecting more. So why blame the world? Why not change the way we think?
I never thought I would ever think so laterally. I think situations of late have forced me into thinking like that. It's a good thing. I think I am at peace with myself. With the world around me. With the people I interact with. I look at things differently because I want to be happy. I feel like we bring in misery with our expectations. If we get away from them, we can truly find happiness in every single thing we do. Don't look at the negatives. When you find yourself irritated, smile. Sometimes, just smiling can calm you. You have the rest of the day to figure out what you can do to rectify the situation.
Happiness isn't just for the lucky few. It's for everyone who wish to embrace it.
I can't help but smile these days. I see everything collapse around me like a pack of cards at times, yet i can't seem to stop smiling.
I haven't gone crazy. Far from it. It's just that I have realised that there is so much more to life than work or situations that break us. I feel imperfections exist in our mind and not in the world that we see. The world around us is as it was years back. We have evolved. We have started expecting more. So why blame the world? Why not change the way we think?
I never thought I would ever think so laterally. I think situations of late have forced me into thinking like that. It's a good thing. I think I am at peace with myself. With the world around me. With the people I interact with. I look at things differently because I want to be happy. I feel like we bring in misery with our expectations. If we get away from them, we can truly find happiness in every single thing we do. Don't look at the negatives. When you find yourself irritated, smile. Sometimes, just smiling can calm you. You have the rest of the day to figure out what you can do to rectify the situation.
Happiness isn't just for the lucky few. It's for everyone who wish to embrace it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
blades of Peace
A few days back, I decided to go away to a quiet secluded area that I will henceforth refer to as Paradise. It was really to escape a day I am beginning to slowly dread - my birthday.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
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