I think we take our society for granted at times. We foolishly assume someone will be there for us at all times.
In India, privacy is unheard of. There is always someone there at all times. It can seem like an invasion to the current generation. After all, we all crave for space. To be left alone with our thoughts and our dreams.
I feel that distance from the ones you love is sometimes good. It helps you grow as a person. To face your worst fears.
One fear most have is being lonely when left alone. Don't confuse the two terms. Being alone is very different from being lonely. You can be lonely even when you have people with you. You simply feel disconnected from everything. You just feel like you can't vibe with people.
I have often wondered if I can feel alone and lonely at the same time. After all, I am an outgoing person and for me, there is always someone who will be there, even if it means a phonecall outside the country.
My curiousity did get the better of me and i went on a self imposed exile a while back to see if I could survive without everyone i knew.
The lure of parties, coffee meetings, brunch talks and shopping trips was firmly dismissed and i went away to do some serious thinking about life and where I would find true happiness.
I have never really read enough books about finding happiness because personally for me, happiness just like loneliness, is a state of the mind. Opposite sides of a coin.
Maybe being alone in some warped way would make me happy.
It did make me happy. It also gave me the confidence to face my worst fears. There were times when i was with a group of people and i felt lonely. Almost like i was cut out from them and living my own life separately while we dined and made merry. So in a way i felt like i was alone because i wasn't participating in the fun. Instead, I craved for my space and sometimes doing nothing in an apartment that was non descript, gave me a sense of peace and comfort.
Most people i know don't want to be left alone. Some of my friends have told me that they don't know what to do or that they are afraid. I have always wondered if your very own thoughts are what you should be afraid of. After all, when you are alone, your thoughts are all that you have.
Does that mean that most of us are not very comfortable with what we think. Do our thoughts hold the key to our happiness then?
Something to ponder over, don't you think?
For me, what matters is escaping into a world that isn't dictated by norms. I realise now it's not about physical privacy so much as it is about mentally letting go and letting your thoughts liberate you.
Think about it. I may be wrong. Then again, i might be speaking some sense...
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
the complete man saga
How easy it is to wear your heart on your sleeve? How easy it is to dream of a fairy tale wedding? How easy it is to want the ideal man by your side as you experience labour pains, period cramps, moodswings, promotions...
Why is it so easy to forget that not all men are perfect or complete or for that matter, worth the trouble?
I am not being a cynic. Far from it. For me, men don't belong to Mars. They belong to Earth. Women, however, need to stay in Venus. Pluto would be good too.
Why? Simply because we never use our brains. Ever.
Somewhere, deep down, logic isn't what dictates us, it's emotions. Expectations that things will be good. Instincts that say that the perfect man is right there, next to us. Dreams that guide us into becoming love sick fools.
Think about it. You meet a guy, you fall in love. He seems perfect, he treats you like a lady deserves to be treated, so you dream marriage.
And then, starts the real race. The guy breaks into a 200 m dash that takes him far away from the altar.
For men, it's about sex, plain and casual with no strings attached. A commitment is a noose. Marriage is not even in their dictionary. There are exceptions to the rule of course.
The kinds who will lay down conditions before they say, "I do". But I am not talking about those kinds. I am talking about those parasites who will get on to you and promise you the moon. They will wine you, dine you so that you land up dreaming of a fairytale life.
Your love will remember your b'day, the first time you met, your mom's b'day, your dog's vet appointment and will even coax you into having your first vodka shot. So you tell your best friend that you have found your soulmate. You start showering him with love, affection and let go of your inhibitions. You bend backwards to see him happy hoping that the gold band is in his shirt pocket. Instead what begins are the taunts, the acidic comments about things that never mattered. You look up wondering what's wrong and he looks at the girl on the next table.
I don't think men do it intentionally. I think they are just lost and scared and don't want to admit it. They want to have fun without feeling trapped. Misguided souls. They don't realise that they land up spending more on women when they are dating than when they get hitched.
I have so many male friends who have been honest enough to admit that they wanted a woman because of the way she looks. I have often been tempted to ask them who would do the dishes, clean up after them, do the laundry, dust the apartment, cook and take care of them when they think they are dying (read a simple Cold is often a disease for men!). A French Manicure costs money, so why would those gorgeous women even get their nails wet with detergent or god forbid, chipped? It is the love sick healthy woman who will get down to scrub, clean, wash and iron for her man. Of course, she eats 4 meals a day. She needs to keep her energy levels high remember? Her hair isn't in place 24 hours a day but at least her heart is in place, which is what matters. It's a pity that most women spend a lifetime cleaning after men who don't deserve them. I am not against men. I love men. I would want to be with someone who will appreciate me for a lifetime. However, I don't live in a fool's paradise because i know there is no perfect man. For that matter, no perfect woman either. Perhaps that's why a marriage is so good at times for both. One is a giver and the other is a taker. If only the men knew that.
Why is it so easy to forget that not all men are perfect or complete or for that matter, worth the trouble?
I am not being a cynic. Far from it. For me, men don't belong to Mars. They belong to Earth. Women, however, need to stay in Venus. Pluto would be good too.
Why? Simply because we never use our brains. Ever.
Somewhere, deep down, logic isn't what dictates us, it's emotions. Expectations that things will be good. Instincts that say that the perfect man is right there, next to us. Dreams that guide us into becoming love sick fools.
Think about it. You meet a guy, you fall in love. He seems perfect, he treats you like a lady deserves to be treated, so you dream marriage.
And then, starts the real race. The guy breaks into a 200 m dash that takes him far away from the altar.
For men, it's about sex, plain and casual with no strings attached. A commitment is a noose. Marriage is not even in their dictionary. There are exceptions to the rule of course.
The kinds who will lay down conditions before they say, "I do". But I am not talking about those kinds. I am talking about those parasites who will get on to you and promise you the moon. They will wine you, dine you so that you land up dreaming of a fairytale life.
Your love will remember your b'day, the first time you met, your mom's b'day, your dog's vet appointment and will even coax you into having your first vodka shot. So you tell your best friend that you have found your soulmate. You start showering him with love, affection and let go of your inhibitions. You bend backwards to see him happy hoping that the gold band is in his shirt pocket. Instead what begins are the taunts, the acidic comments about things that never mattered. You look up wondering what's wrong and he looks at the girl on the next table.
I don't think men do it intentionally. I think they are just lost and scared and don't want to admit it. They want to have fun without feeling trapped. Misguided souls. They don't realise that they land up spending more on women when they are dating than when they get hitched.
I have so many male friends who have been honest enough to admit that they wanted a woman because of the way she looks. I have often been tempted to ask them who would do the dishes, clean up after them, do the laundry, dust the apartment, cook and take care of them when they think they are dying (read a simple Cold is often a disease for men!). A French Manicure costs money, so why would those gorgeous women even get their nails wet with detergent or god forbid, chipped? It is the love sick healthy woman who will get down to scrub, clean, wash and iron for her man. Of course, she eats 4 meals a day. She needs to keep her energy levels high remember? Her hair isn't in place 24 hours a day but at least her heart is in place, which is what matters. It's a pity that most women spend a lifetime cleaning after men who don't deserve them. I am not against men. I love men. I would want to be with someone who will appreciate me for a lifetime. However, I don't live in a fool's paradise because i know there is no perfect man. For that matter, no perfect woman either. Perhaps that's why a marriage is so good at times for both. One is a giver and the other is a taker. If only the men knew that.
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