I hate feeling cold. Your mind turns to slush and the only real activity that happens then is chattering. Your teeth completely give up on you and start a life of their own - grumble, bitch and laugh in that annoying way that makes you look ridiculous in front of strangers. So, I try to be wise and carry suitable clothes when I step out in winter. Mind you, the winter we are talking about in this case is a freezing -5 degrees. Enough to turn you into your favorite ice lolly.
Of course, sometimes it is warmer and it is then that one needs to make choices. A pullover, a jacket, a woolen cap, mittens...all of them, one, two, three of them, none of them...it´s really puzzling for a woman sometimes. After all, we are looking at a wardrobe malfunction here if the colors don´match. Most men would say, Oh just throw it all on and step out". So you listen or you simply wear what you please ( and I can bet that´s almost always the wrong choice) and step out smiling and pretend that it isn´t cold when all you really want to do is enter a sauna and gulp down some brandy to get your blood circulating again.
I haven´t quite figured out the colour coding for clothing yet. For example, I really don´t understand whether the fawn jacket I own goes with the emerald silk shirt my mom gifted me. Most of the clothing I own is simple, non descript and enough to make the divas shudder with disgust. Then again, if my fingers still feel like they are alive at the end of the day with all that I own, I must be doing something right.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
wake-up call
6 am, 6:10 am, 6:11 am, 6:11.5 am? There are times when I wish I could set the time on my alarm clock to microseconds and mini microseconds ( do they exist?). Really, I hate to wake up. I can´t understand how everyone does it. I can´t. It´s stress even before I sleep. The thought of waking up just won´t let me sleep then. Thoughts about the alarm failing, about me being late, about me missing the bus/train/plane plague me. And when I am woken up, there´s always an incomplete song playing in my mind or sometimes, I am lying sunbathing in Mauritius when I am jolted by that alarm. Then I open one eye which seems to have sealed and requires a great deal of effort to flutter. As the light stuns me for a few seconds, I mutter a few rude statements. Maybe I am not being a sport, but I really don´t like getting out of bed. It´s warm, soft, comforting and heck, I can just lie back and escape to my world of fantasies. Try doing that in the afternoon and it´s not the same. It´s like watching an ad film then. It´s over before you can enjoy it.
This one is different. You wear your favorite soft pyjamas, sneak into your warm blankie and pat your pillow a couple of times so that your head is nestled just right. Then you shut your eyes, not forcefully but you just let go of your eyelids so that they fall naturally and rest. The day´s fatigue, stress and irritation smoothen out minute by minute. You get to be the hero, the villain, the dog, the postman or just about anyone you want to be. No judgments there. No taunted arrows hurting your ego. You have the power to ignore the world and create your very own zone. Now when you have all that, why would you want to possibly wake up?
I am not going to set the alarm tomorrow. It´s a decision I might wake up to regret. But then again, I will wake up with a smile when I do.
This one is different. You wear your favorite soft pyjamas, sneak into your warm blankie and pat your pillow a couple of times so that your head is nestled just right. Then you shut your eyes, not forcefully but you just let go of your eyelids so that they fall naturally and rest. The day´s fatigue, stress and irritation smoothen out minute by minute. You get to be the hero, the villain, the dog, the postman or just about anyone you want to be. No judgments there. No taunted arrows hurting your ego. You have the power to ignore the world and create your very own zone. Now when you have all that, why would you want to possibly wake up?
I am not going to set the alarm tomorrow. It´s a decision I might wake up to regret. But then again, I will wake up with a smile when I do.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
happy happy, joy joy
Sometimes just feeling like you own the world does wonders for your ego. It can keep you smiling through the day even when the day seems like a complete disaster otherwise.
I can't help but smile these days. I see everything collapse around me like a pack of cards at times, yet i can't seem to stop smiling.
I haven't gone crazy. Far from it. It's just that I have realised that there is so much more to life than work or situations that break us. I feel imperfections exist in our mind and not in the world that we see. The world around us is as it was years back. We have evolved. We have started expecting more. So why blame the world? Why not change the way we think?
I never thought I would ever think so laterally. I think situations of late have forced me into thinking like that. It's a good thing. I think I am at peace with myself. With the world around me. With the people I interact with. I look at things differently because I want to be happy. I feel like we bring in misery with our expectations. If we get away from them, we can truly find happiness in every single thing we do. Don't look at the negatives. When you find yourself irritated, smile. Sometimes, just smiling can calm you. You have the rest of the day to figure out what you can do to rectify the situation.
Happiness isn't just for the lucky few. It's for everyone who wish to embrace it.
I can't help but smile these days. I see everything collapse around me like a pack of cards at times, yet i can't seem to stop smiling.
I haven't gone crazy. Far from it. It's just that I have realised that there is so much more to life than work or situations that break us. I feel imperfections exist in our mind and not in the world that we see. The world around us is as it was years back. We have evolved. We have started expecting more. So why blame the world? Why not change the way we think?
I never thought I would ever think so laterally. I think situations of late have forced me into thinking like that. It's a good thing. I think I am at peace with myself. With the world around me. With the people I interact with. I look at things differently because I want to be happy. I feel like we bring in misery with our expectations. If we get away from them, we can truly find happiness in every single thing we do. Don't look at the negatives. When you find yourself irritated, smile. Sometimes, just smiling can calm you. You have the rest of the day to figure out what you can do to rectify the situation.
Happiness isn't just for the lucky few. It's for everyone who wish to embrace it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
blades of Peace
A few days back, I decided to go away to a quiet secluded area that I will henceforth refer to as Paradise. It was really to escape a day I am beginning to slowly dread - my birthday.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
Turning older has never scared me. A few gray strands will make me look so much more dignified. What scares me, is that my thoughts are getting older than me. I am beginning to look at things the way someone at 60 would. When I should want to go and party with friends at a pub, I want to head to the hills like a hermit would.
I would like to admit that my mind is never at rest. I am not one of those rare breeds that can switch on and off as and when I please. My emotions rule my rational side. So in a way, I don't have the emotional maturity of a hermit.
Anyway, paradise was perfect. 100 acres of lush greenery with about 4 people around. After years, I walked barefoot and felt the blades of grass tickle my soles. In a way, it tickled my soul as well. I was breathing in fresh, unpolluted air that soothed my mind more than my lungs.
My eyes were washed clean with mist that enveloped me everywhere I went. It felt like I was floating in clouds, without wings.
After a really long time, I felt the weariness wash away naturally. From my body and mind. I slept like a baby, undisturbed in a dreamless slumber and woke up to the sound of crickets and birds. 6 am and 6 pm were just digits that reflected in my watch. My phone got off network ( for a change, I was happy that it did). I felt like I had escaped from assumptions, thoughts, people, situations, habits, feelings, luxuries and lots more.
I slept on a bed of grass when I wanted to. I dined on a block of stone if I felt like it. Why, I bathe under a waterfall, without worrying about jaundice, leeches and animals.
A blade of grass. That's all it takes to change the way you feel. Doesn't cost the world but gives you peace of mind. Try it sometime. You won't come back unhappy.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
belief
Every morning, I start the day by reading the day's prediction for my sun sign. I am not in the least bit superstitious but somehow, I end up getting affected and nodding my head solemnly at that paragraph lamenting on how unlucky/fortunate I am based on what is written. I don’t think there has been a single day when those predictions have come true yet, I don’t seem to want to break that habit or skip that page.
You might agree with me and might even be doing the exact same thing.
We are victims of belief. We want to be comfortable with some assurance about what lies ahead. We just want to be prepared for the unforeseen, however unpleasant it may be. My belief about certain things, people, circumstances and even events make me the person I am. It might be based on past experiences or irrational thoughts which have no base, but I can’t seem to shake off that belief that I need to be in control of situations. For which, I need to have an inkling about what I should expect. Sometimes, I just let go. It seems like I am walking in the dark then. It can be nerve wrecking if you aren’t the calm sorts.
There are a lot of people I know who love living like that. I envy them. Really.
Imagine having no nagging doubts about life, no fears whatsoever determining your actions. No situations etched in your memory that stop you from trying out something new. You believe in nothing and no one can falter you. You are simply not perturbed by anything that lands your way, however unpleasant or challenging it is. I coach myself into looking at the future with renewed enthusiasm. To embrace change when it’s needed. To not be affected by factors beyond my control. To live each day as it comes without jumping to conclusions about things which might never even happen.
I am going to try it. Give up on being a control freak and try and be more generous with myself. Forget my annoyances and complaints about what’s going wrong. Concentrate on what’s going right and what path I should follow to make the wrongs go right. My life might not get better but heck, at least I will land up believing in myself and not a paragraph in the paper.
You might agree with me and might even be doing the exact same thing.
We are victims of belief. We want to be comfortable with some assurance about what lies ahead. We just want to be prepared for the unforeseen, however unpleasant it may be. My belief about certain things, people, circumstances and even events make me the person I am. It might be based on past experiences or irrational thoughts which have no base, but I can’t seem to shake off that belief that I need to be in control of situations. For which, I need to have an inkling about what I should expect. Sometimes, I just let go. It seems like I am walking in the dark then. It can be nerve wrecking if you aren’t the calm sorts.
There are a lot of people I know who love living like that. I envy them. Really.
Imagine having no nagging doubts about life, no fears whatsoever determining your actions. No situations etched in your memory that stop you from trying out something new. You believe in nothing and no one can falter you. You are simply not perturbed by anything that lands your way, however unpleasant or challenging it is. I coach myself into looking at the future with renewed enthusiasm. To embrace change when it’s needed. To not be affected by factors beyond my control. To live each day as it comes without jumping to conclusions about things which might never even happen.
I am going to try it. Give up on being a control freak and try and be more generous with myself. Forget my annoyances and complaints about what’s going wrong. Concentrate on what’s going right and what path I should follow to make the wrongs go right. My life might not get better but heck, at least I will land up believing in myself and not a paragraph in the paper.
Monday, September 10, 2007
disconnection that works
Disconnecting gives me immense joy. You must be thinking I am a rude, arrogant, high-handed woman to say such a thing openly. After all, which cold hearted person does such a thing and admits to liking it.
I'll be honest. I can't think of a better way to stop negativity from destroying my system.
For those who are lost, I am not talking about disconnecting calls. I am talking about disconnecting from situations that are too hard to handle. It's not the coward's way out. I think disconnecting actually helps you evaluate and calm down. Some time out can actually help you plan your next course of action.
When I was younger , I found it difficult to cut myself from unpleasant situations. As a result, I found myself agitated, irritated and at times, even depressed. Over the years, I realised that cutting out is perhaps the best way to ensure you move ahead. It stops you from self doubt, agony and sometimes, even helps you arrive upon a sensible solution to your problems.
It seems like a difficult thing to do but it's quite easy. Just take a deep breath, exhale all those thoughts out of your system and simply don't let them enter your mind again. Just block them out. Stay away from the situation that disturbs you. Disconnect till you have had time to evaluate it and figure out a solution. It takes effort and it takes time. However, it is the best thing that you can do to be happy. Try it out when you feel like you are drowning. It's a life saver.
I'll be honest. I can't think of a better way to stop negativity from destroying my system.
For those who are lost, I am not talking about disconnecting calls. I am talking about disconnecting from situations that are too hard to handle. It's not the coward's way out. I think disconnecting actually helps you evaluate and calm down. Some time out can actually help you plan your next course of action.
When I was younger , I found it difficult to cut myself from unpleasant situations. As a result, I found myself agitated, irritated and at times, even depressed. Over the years, I realised that cutting out is perhaps the best way to ensure you move ahead. It stops you from self doubt, agony and sometimes, even helps you arrive upon a sensible solution to your problems.
It seems like a difficult thing to do but it's quite easy. Just take a deep breath, exhale all those thoughts out of your system and simply don't let them enter your mind again. Just block them out. Stay away from the situation that disturbs you. Disconnect till you have had time to evaluate it and figure out a solution. It takes effort and it takes time. However, it is the best thing that you can do to be happy. Try it out when you feel like you are drowning. It's a life saver.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
the greed for more
We grow up wanting more.
More love, affection, food, comfort, clothes, money, beauty...the list is endless.
As a child, I was often told, "Don't ask for more. Be happy with what you have."
I never listened.
I don't think we are happy with what we have. We feel that we deserve more.
I fail to see why that is a bad thing. Why should wanting more be bad? It is good to be ambitious. It is good to want to be the best. It is good to demand more out of life. It isn't good however, to be miserable in the process.
Often, in our pursuit of happiness, we forget to be happy. We are driven by greed and the need to make life better and in the chase we forget the very reason we are doing the said activity.
Strange but true. Very few people know when to draw the line. I can assure you that more often than not, i fail to see that line too.
I want to see that line. I want to stop before misery takes over my life. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to be in control of my emotions.
I want so many things... there, i am not happy with what I have yet again!
More love, affection, food, comfort, clothes, money, beauty...the list is endless.
As a child, I was often told, "Don't ask for more. Be happy with what you have."
I never listened.
I don't think we are happy with what we have. We feel that we deserve more.
I fail to see why that is a bad thing. Why should wanting more be bad? It is good to be ambitious. It is good to want to be the best. It is good to demand more out of life. It isn't good however, to be miserable in the process.
Often, in our pursuit of happiness, we forget to be happy. We are driven by greed and the need to make life better and in the chase we forget the very reason we are doing the said activity.
Strange but true. Very few people know when to draw the line. I can assure you that more often than not, i fail to see that line too.
I want to see that line. I want to stop before misery takes over my life. I want to be happy with what I have. I want to be in control of my emotions.
I want so many things... there, i am not happy with what I have yet again!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)